


Dream of a labyrinth

by Nellancholy



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Smoking, depressed angry madoka, madoka really doesn't know what she's wishing for, mundane AU, tw for implied animal death/cruelty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 02:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14823620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellancholy/pseuds/Nellancholy
Summary: Things could be better.But they're not.(tw for implied animal death/cruelty)





	Dream of a labyrinth

Madoka’s eyes opened slowly. Moonlight filtered in through her window. She’d had another one of those dreams again. Those vague,barely memorable,abjectly exciting dreams. She never could remember much of them,but she knew whatever she dreamt of was way,way better than…this. Her waking life. She remembered vague shapes,dim but saturated colors. Strange,ever shifting scenes. Fighting against…some big,scary things alongside other girls. Girls just like her. Girls who looked up to her. Girls who trusted her. There was a bow in her hand,too…

 

Quietly,she got up out of her bed,pulling off her cutesy pajamas. Her parents didn’t push that image onto her. She chose it herself. At least being all pastel and soft made her feel like there was a part of her that she was still in control of. At least she could craft the mask that narrowly covered the noxious,rotting mass she was on the inside.

 

Sure,her parents showed her something resembling affection,but they didn’t really get involved with her any more. After 14 years of life…

 

It was just as well. She was getting by in school,she didn’t get in any fights (that they knew of),she steered clear of some of the more…unsavory practices and substances girls her age sometimes started getting into.

 

She reached into her closet,putting on track pants and a dark blue cotton hoodie with bunny ears on the hood. The nights were pretty chilly lately,which definitely beat being warm and muggy. Stretching out a red hair tie between her fingers,she tied up her shaggy pink locks into a tight ponytail. Finally,she unrolled a small bundle of paper in the back of her drawer,taking out two cigarettes she’d retrieved from her mom’s purse earlier on,alongside a plastic lighter. Pushing those items into her pocket,she slid her bedroom window open,climbing out and beginning the walk into Mitakihara. 

* * *

 

It wasn’t long before the first cigarette was lit. She took a drag,exhaling a thin,white stream of smoke. A slight smile formed on her lips as her thoughts drifted to Tatsuya adorably trying to grab the mist that wafted on his breath last winter. At least…at least they had one kid who might yet be worth something.

 

By now…it felt like Mother and Father had let go of her,though Mother was too cautious and Father too gentle to outright say something to that effect.

 

Madoka felt a pinch in her heart,try as she might to pretend that rejection didn’t hurt.

 

A cough escaped her throat. She’d been kind of dehydrated since she woke up,and like the fool she was,she hadn’t gotten some water before leaving the house. She stubbed out the half-gone cigarette on a nearby lamp post,before dropping it back into her pocket.

 

Presently,she passed the arcade,one of the few businesses in the city still open at this hour. Bright lights and a constant cacophony emanated from within. She hadn’t spent that many hours inside,but it’s not like she had anywhere else to be.

 

The sounds grew only louder as she opened the door and stepped in,inviting only a brief glance from the part-timer manning the front counter. Madoka sighed. Of course she’d left her wallet at home. Her phone,too…this was shaping up to be a fairly boring outing. With that,she sat herself down on one of the several empty benches bolted to the floor at intervals throughout the establishment. Even now,there were patrons at the various games,whether alone,in groups,or…as _couples_.

 

Madoka gave a brief sigh of…something.

 

Annoyance?

 

Boredom?

 

…Loneliness?

 

Her gaze fell on the large,brightly glowing machine before her,that was presently unoccupied.

 

Dog Drug Reinforcement…that was the kind of thing only played by perfectionist nerds looking for internet points and lovey-dovey couples that wanted to show off how in sync they were.

 

…And also Madoka,of course. After all,rhythm games were really quite moe,weren’t they? Girls who play rhythm games and dance to pop music are cute and hip,right? It’s not about the satisfaction of a full combo or the fun of dancing to the songs you like…it’s just about the image it gives you.

 

It was a moot point anyway,considering how she didn’t have a single yen on her right now.

 

Stretching her back out,she leaned back,putting her head over the backrest of the bench.

 

Her life really was empty.

 

Other than hanging out with Sayaka and Hitomi…Hitomi and Sayaka…there was barely any genuine human contact for her.

 

Wouldn’t it be funny if the two of them started dating and started unintentionally making Madoka feel like a third wheel who couldn’t even spend time with her best friend…her only friend any more?

 

Madoka grit her teeth. Just the thought of it…a fleeting thought.

 

She clenched her fists. Tension formed in her gut.

 

She squeezed her eyes shut. Ice boiled in her veins.

 

They probably _were_ going to start dating any day now.

 

And Madoka would be all alone.

 

And she couldn’t do anything about it,because obviously it was wrong to get mad at people for being happy and fulfilled,and it was wrong to demand attention from people.

 

Even if that one person in particular was your friend.

 

Even if you knew her first and no one has the right to take her away from you-

 

Just the thought of that-

 

In her agitation,Madoka swung her arms out to the side.

 

_Thonk._

 

Her fist hit an abandoned,half-full bottle of mineral water,sending it spinning to the floor.

 

Water.

 

Water…

 

Carefully glancing around,Madoka made sure no one was watching.

 

Quickly,she picked up the bottle,stood up,and hurried out of the building. 

* * *

 

Walking along the road back to her neat,polished,three-floor suburban house,Madoka opened the bottle of water.

 

Not wasting another moment,Madoka threw her head back,tipping the bottle into her mouth as she gulped down the cool,medical-tasting water. A soft groan of relief filled her as her lips,her tongue,her throat all regained their hydration.

 

But…she was still far from satisfied. Pausing for a moment,she wound up,hurling the empty bottle towards a nearby wall.

 

The crack of the plastic on brick echoed through the night.

 

Madoka stood still,just outside of the glow of a lamp post.

 

She blinked,but no tears were forthcoming.

 

After a few seconds,she continued walking.

 

It was true. Her life was empty.

 

She’d admit that to herself,if no one else.

 

She wished something would happen.

 

_Something…_

Maybe she’d find out she was the amnesiac princess of another planet.

 

Maybe she could become a cyborg assassin.

 

Maybe a strange familiar would show up and make her a magical girl.

 

Or maybe,just maybe a mysterious,cute transfer student (maybe with glasses and adorable braids) would show up and want to kiss Madoka…

 

Madoka chuckled.

 

Somehow that was the most outlandish fantasy her deprived,depressed,vacant mind could make up in a desperate attempt to fill the hole in her heart.

 

Her bout of self-pity was interrupted by a faint meowing.

 

There,by the wall…

 

A box sat,likely with some poor,recently born creature in it.

 

Madoka almost expected something like “please give a good home” to be written on the side,but she supposed the whole setup would imply that to begin with.

 

Despite herself,she walked over,peering down into the box.

 

A plain white kitten,eyes already open but still barely able to stand.

 

It mewed. It rolled.

 

The tension in Madoka rose once more.

 

Such an…innocent creature.

 

So gentle. So harmless. So…pure.

 

Its mewling voice.

 

So…so grating. So irritating.

 

How dare it?

 

How dare something so cute and lovable and genuine and not at all foul and decayed like Madoka exist?!

 

How dare it look up at her,eyes full of disdain,superiority,pride?!

 

How dare Mother and Father hug Madoka at arms length,hearts full of pity?!

 

How dare Sayaka and Hitomi pretend to tolerate her,but probably say all kinds of condescending things about Madoka behind her back?!

 

_How dare?!_

_How **dare** …?_

 

She grit her teeth.

 

She clenched her fist.

 

She lifted her foot. 

* * *

 

Madoka slid the window shut behind her,pulling off her clothes and tossing them to the floor without emptying out her pockets. Thankfully,she’d managed to wipe the blood and fur off her shoe.

 

Sitting on the edge of her bed,she pulled her pyjamas on,rolling under her blanket.

 

Somehow…she felt like she could sleep better now,at least for a while.


End file.
